My Shadow…

April 26th, 2014

I made a choice to not let you define me. You entered my life without asking for my permission. You took some things from me; for that I hold no grudges. For a slight moment I thought you were gone and just an afterthought. I realize that I am naïve to think that; for you continue to enter the lives of people that surround me without an invitation. I recognize that no matter where I go, you follow.

I try not to think of you but can’t help disassociate my life from you. At each and every corner I go, there you are. Your presence is triggered and brought forth by certain things, places, smells and emotions that unlock part of my mental archive of thoughts that I don’t want to rehash. I thought you were gone and just an afterthought. I recognize that no matter where I go, you follow.

You must be extremely busy for not a day goes by where I don’t hear something related to you. I know you are hard at work invading another person’s body while you take things from their lives during your undetermined stay. When I see this happen before my eyes to a family member or a friend, I can’t help thinking about the time you invaded my body. The time I housed and gave you shelter without choice. I recognize that no matter where I go, you follow.

Be it as it may be, the shadow that you have cast is something that will always follow me. The slightest symptom that I feel immediately makes me think of your return. I recognize and accept that. I also recognize that no matter where you go, I don’t have to follow. In spite of your constant reminder and your ever present threat of reoccurrence looming over me like a dark cloud, I don’t fear your shadow. I don’t underestimate you and the fact that at any given day you may re-appear in my life, I just know that there is no point in running away from you. Because the honest truth is no one can. I have come to accept that and this has allowed me to live life with no expectations and a guarantee that tomorrow will come. What my shadow doesn’t show is my unbreakable will. It doesn’t show my determination to face adversity by focusing on things that are in my control; my emotions and my attitude.

canCertainly live life!

5 Responses to “My Shadow…”

  1. Jeewan says:

    Powerful words. Thought provoking and liberating. Something every human can relate to, in their own personal way.

  2. Aunty Kulwant says:

    Hanspal very thought provoking blog. I understand how you must feel after everything you have gone through, but God is always with you. Who has blessed you with the positive thought process and making difference in others lives. So keep enhancing other lives and God will take care of you. Sending you love and hugs.

  3. Bhagwant says:

    Destiny of one’s life is control by someone super natural and HE or SHE who people may call GOD,Christ or may be another name. This secret has never been revealed to anyone and we have to take it positively with courage as long as we may live. The shadow you mentioned falls everyone living on this earth. One has to live in His will.

  4. Jiti says:

    Hanspaul you have such a beautiful mind …and an awe inspiring will

  5. Soorya says:

    I agree wit Jiti and Jeewan. Sending love and blessings.

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