Gone in 60 Seconds…

August 6th, 2015

Behind the wheel, my power was restored back to me. I felt free. With both windows rolled down, the fresh air that hit my face was therapeutic. The rush of moving at a high speed provided me with the necessary adrenaline of feeling alive. This was exactly what I needed. As I drove, my fears and thoughts flew out the window and left me with my consciousness and awareness to be in the moment, to be back in control of my life.

Each day was another day of surrendering. Surrendering to what my family thought was best for me. Surrendering to what the doctors thought was best for me. And surrendering to what was happening to me. I realized that surrendering was the way that I could save my energy and focus it on something else. However, that was until I had to start my radiation treatments because at that point I didn’t want to surrender anymore to what my family wanted for me. The energy that I saved was now going to be put in use.

Part of my treatment regimen was to undergo 30 rounds of radiation therapy. This took place at the hospital from Monday to Friday, five days a week. The trek from my house to the hospital was roughly 30 minutes. For my previous treatments and check-ups I always had my mom, dad and brother with me as I was in no condition to be driving back home after my rounds of chemo. However, when the time came for radiation, I convinced my parents to let me drive alone each day to receive the treatment by myself. I convinced my dad that there was no need for him to take a day off from work each day just to drive me back and forth for a treatment that was over in a minute.

Thankfully my parents agreed to let me drive alone (of course with the consent of my oncologist), and I am grateful that they respected what I needed at the time. What they didn’t know was that this had nothing to do with wanting space away from them and everything to do with me and my desire of being in control of this situation; albeit as small as driving myself to and back from the hospital.

The preparation time to get me set up in the right position to receive the treatment took longer than the treatment itself. Once in place, in 60 seconds I would receive the dose of therapy and was out the door, on my way back home. Once those 60 seconds were done, I was gone from that environment in which I had been surrendering myself for the past 8 months. Once those 60 seconds were done, I was back behind the wheel and I was in control again. Some days I remember taking a slightly longer drive back home to prolong this feeling.

canCertainly live life!

One Response to “Gone in 60 Seconds…”

  1. bhagwant says:

    A strong positive will can perform miracles.Good article keep it up

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